I ask my heart: "Will this circumstance of my life last long?"
Or: "Will this circumstance be over soon?"
My heart answers: "The practice is to feel the peace and the serenity, regardless the circumstances".
I can proceed with this.
I am following a “Unique Self Course”, given by Marc Gafni.
It has become second nature for me to disappear a bit and Marc Gafni stresses the importance of every one’s unique Presence.
My inside likes this very much, because my essence feels invited to show herself more.
One of the practices is to say softly inside myself “Yes” to whatever is happening inside and outside myself.
This “Yes” is both for positive experiences and for the negative.
So also when I have lost my keys, or when I feel angry, I say “Yes”.
In the beginning it felt like a cork of a cesspool had been removed.
I said a glorious “Yes” to the grief and the anger that came to the surface.
This has quieted down now.
To say “Yes” to all that arises doesn’t mean that you agree with everything.
The effect is that your own energy, exactly like she is, surges and is allowed to be.
After a few days I feel the need to return to inner silence.
I say Yes to inner silence, ever again Yes...
Today is the equinox, the day when the sun is exactly above the equator.
People say that there is a special energy on this day to manifest our desires.
This means for me that I want to find the courage to write and to express myself from another layer of my being.
The following is the result of this intention:
May the wildness of our Spirit
touch our flesh
and move our bodies.
May we travel as one,
like a flock of birds guided by the One hand,
as it knows where to fly over fields and oceans.
May we delight in one another’s presence
when we play the game of love.
May we feel the intimacy that is our deepest longing
and our deepest destiny.
May our yearning be fulfilled.
Every mother knows that at the root of her self-sacrifice is love.
Love for her child, her husband, her friend.
She is willing to set her own LIFE aside, if only the other will find the happiness she herself does not know yet.
She has learned this pattern from her mother and from the mothers who preceded her mother.
If she does not watch out she will convey this pattern and the confusion that goes with it to her children, and thus lack a basis inside herself.
This will take her even further from who she is at the deepest.
In the center of this confusion lies the seed of love that has been concealed.
Here is the life that is endlessly born anew, and in this place can we find the door that is the opening towards wholeness and fulfillment.
We can find the basis for the love and for our life in our bodies, in our femininity/masculinity.
In the deepest parts that sometimes have been covered with so much shame and disgust and humiliation that I hardly dare to write about it.
The love of our hearts may flow towards the deepest parts of our bodies.
We may learn to take pleasure in ourselves.
After what I wrote yesterday I want to add:
...then we will know in our hearts in which direction we want to proceed…
Now that we have passed the date of December 21th I feel that our commotion had to do with the birthing of feminine consciousness.
In ever clearer ways we will know what is meant when we talk about this way of being.
We have been training for such a long time to learn how to evade the trap of being entangled in the conflicts of duality!
Because, as soon as we resist something, we recreate the same.
There is an intelligence that is infinitely grander than our small mind.
We may entrust our troubled thinking mind to her and assume that life will search for a solution we cannot contrive yet.
This asks for surrender.
Life will flow through us endlessly then.
This Life is always here.
When we were born we had to pass through a very small hole.
I still have a tendency to shrink when I am confronted with time.
I then push my spirit out of my body.
That feels like being in a hurry, even when I have plenty of time.
I am learning to remain in the quietness and warmth that I feel before the thought of time arises.
I notice that part of the time I am occupied with the acceptance of my shadow.
Our shadow is not our bad side, but it is the part of us that has been distorted in the course of time, through our history, through society, through our culture.
She shows herself in an indirect manner and asks to be loved and embraced unconditionally, so that we can live our unique selves in an ever fuller and complete manner.
Now that I have more time for myself I feel the wish to work with people again, in a new way.
I ask the Unseen what is the Highest Dream that wants to be realized and I wait in silence for the answer.
I am surprised by the words that arise in me and I feel touched by the simplicity of the response:
Your Highest Dream is to be decided by you.
We give the energy and the power for the manifestation of your dream.
I am always surprised to hear that it is me who decides.
When I ask myself what I want, I know the answer: I want to work one day a week and offer consultations to people who wish to find a new perspective on an aspect of their life where they have the feeling they are stuck.
I feel joy about the decision and I have more clarity about the direction of my life.
I am weaving.
I weave with threads of humbleness around my shortcomings.
With every thread I weave I let go of my tendency towards perfection.
The freedom that arises is the nectar flowing through.
There are holes in the fabric and lumps and loose endings.
I just take it lightly and enjoy letting go.